Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What does stress do? Nothing good!

So, my weight loss has come to a full stop.  My eating isn't overall terrible, but I have had ice cream a couple of times in the last week.  The exercise has not happened this week.

It is all a vicious cycle.  Work has had some pretty heavy things going on, which has had me extremely tied up in knots, without realizing it fully until today.  I can't sleep at night, because I am constantly worrying and processing in my head.  That, in turn, makes it so that I can not wake up in the morning as early as I was.  I now have the added joy of having to be to work an hour earlier, so if I don't wake up early, I have no time to exercise first.  Without getting my morning boost of endorphins, I don't make my eating regular meals a priority.  I have been working two hours later than normal, which means I barely make it home before my husband.  So, we are eating dinner late, without time to do an actual EFFECTIVE workout in.  My water has stayed at half of what I should, and I am only taking my estrogen and vitamins about every other day.

To give you an example of how my body is currently feeling, between stress and the effects of my vicious cycle... Today was the worst day at work that I have had in a long time.  I was doing my job, filling in for a girl on vacation, and then started filling in for one that was let go (a job I am not trained for!)  The tension in the air is so thick you can barely breathe... and even I am in fear of losing my job.  Well, I didn't get a chance to eat the healthy lunch that the kitchen had prepared for me, because I was meeting with resident family members.  Then, I had to run to pick up my kids to take them to their orthodontist appointment.  While there, I didn't do anything... no book, no phone, NOTHING!  As I was letting my body and mind unwind, I realized that my ulcer had started hurting so badly that I was sick.  By the time I got back to work, I was barely hanging in there.  It took until 8:30, at my church activity, before my body relaxed enough that a lot of it finally let go.  I still am not hungry, but am giving myself food to keep my ulcer at bay.

I already miss the energy that I had two weeks ago, when my eyes were opening up as soon as I heard noise outside.  I miss going to bed by 10 or 11, and falling almost immediately to sleep.  I miss getting on my scale and seeing another 1/2 or 1 pound gone.

It is after midnight now, and my late night venting has come to an end.  So, to start my new day (after all, it is now morning), I will end on a positive note.  My soda intake from the beginning of the challenge is still at ZERO!  Way to go, me!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Small Victories

So things have been going ok.  I have been able to do some form of exercise almost every day, whether I have been counting it in my log or not.  Nothing on the level as what it sounds like most people are doing, but to me, it is still a victory I am counting, as it gets me that much closer to my goal.

Eating has gone fairly well.  People have mentioned at work that they can see I am eating healthy, and wondered if there was a reason.  My boss took me and another co-worker to lunch on Monday to a Chinese buffet.  I ate the salad.  :)  I figure that if I start with the healthier choices, I will be full before I can eat the items that are not healthy.

I have had to turn my reminder alarms off at work for my water.  They were getting too annoying.  I still drink water, but probably not as much as I should during the day.  Evenings are good, though, as it is easier to concentrate on what I need to do.

I have taken my vitamins every day but one, and the same with my estrogen.  I am no longer waking up from hot flashes, so I am sleeping a little bit better.

Life is one day at a time, and I am facing every day with purpose... at least as much as I can muster. :)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

I love the first few days...

The first couple of days of any weight loss journey, for me, is always the funnest.  The goal seems not so far away and easily obtainable.  The water weight comes off, and my confidence is boosted at the quick results.  I face working out with some enthusiasm, totally oblivious to the pain that will be setting in over the next couple of days because of my recent lack of active muscles.  Then reality sets in.

Making the right eating choices is hard during the week.  When I am at work, there are always temptations.  Vendors and home health companies bring in treats on a regular basis.  Consciously packing a meal every day so that I don't fall into the "easy" choices of fast food at lunch time is very time consuming.  After a stressful day of work, I used to love to enjoy a bowl of ice cream, some time between dinner and bed... usually after the kids were all in bed.

The endless bottles of water, which I currently still struggle with getting even close to the proper armount of water, present an altogether different problem at work.  I work on the opposite side of the building than the two employee bathrooms.  Do you know how difficult it is to be able to stop working to walk over to go to the bathroom every 1/2 hour to hour?  I feel like it takes me at least that long to get my mind focused back on my work.

So, on day four of my lovely journey, I am not feeling overly excited.  I am sore, somewhat cranky, and eyeing my water bottle like it is a snake that I am trying to stay clear of.  But, on the bright side, seeing the difference on the scale from the water weight is enough to keep my eyes set on the goal.

Time to get to work!