Here it is!

So, I have been thinking about some of the goals that I have for myself.  They aren't things that will play the most important roles in my weight loss, but they do for my overall health.

1.  Sleep.  This needs to be a priority.  Even if I can't sleep, I need to stay in bed with my eyes closed.  That will at least give me some rest.

2.  Water.  I need to make sure that I drink my water every day.  To do this, I have set alarms on my phone.  I will use these alarms until my body is naturally in the habit of doing this.

3.  Vitamins.  I will be setting a reminder to take my vitamins with my breakfast in the morning.  This will accomplish two things... eating breakfast and making sure I have my supplement.

4.  Estrogen.  This will be taken in the morning.  I tend to go for up to two weeks without taking it, and by then my body temperature, etc., is screwed up.  I believe that this has a part in my lack of sleep, as well as my wide range of cravings.

Of course eating healthy and exercising will be the two major components, but these items are ones that will have direct influence on whether I am setting myself up for failure or for success.  I choose success.

The Last of the First

This was the "phrase" of my daughter's senior year.  They were the first graduating class to have attended Salem Hills for their entire high school years.  For me, I am applying it because I want this to be the "Last" of my "First" days with a healthier lifestyle.  I want to continue to improve and achieve, not quit and start over later.  There are only so many chances that we get in life before life catches up to us.

Lately I have felt such a pull to the biggest loser.  While it is always a good show and idea, I am so frustrated that it is limited to those who are already overweight by 100 lbs. or more.  I feel my whole body and mind trying to cry out to them for help.  My family has an extended history of being overweight.  My uncle once weighed in over 400 lbs.  My only natural sister died in her 20's and already weighed more than 300 lbs.  My mother is over 200 lbs, and is currently having to pay the toll for her weight.  She is diabetic and is constantly getting worse.  She may have to soon replace at least one hip.  I can't end up like that.

I am embarassed to be intimate with my husband, remembering back to how amazing I looked and felt 11 years ago when we met.  I have gained 60 lbs since then, and I no longer feel relaxed and "in the moment" when I am with him.

I hate going places because I never have anything attractive to wear.  Everything looks like maternity clothes if they are loose, and if it is a tight outfit, I feel like the Michelin Man with all of my rolls.

I don't like to exercise in public.  I get tired of the looks and snickers... even from my own family.  It is difficult to open myself up to that.

I really want to change, but I can not do it alone... this I already know.  If it were so easy to do it alone, why wouldn't I have done it already and dug myself out of this miserable hole?

Here is to my last "first" day.